Pain and Remembrance

When I suffer, my best option = surrender to pain. For so many years I refused to feel. I used anything and everything to avoid and flee from being uncomfortable. Now I befriend my feelings and emotions associated with the pains of life. There is no need to change outcomes, numb, run, or hide from the ache.

Today I am thinking of my grandmother. My grandmother passed away on the evening of Thursday, June 2nd of 2005. I remember the exact time (10pm) and what I was doing at the moment I was told of her death (sitting at the computer desk in the guest room). I was nine months pregnant. I did not sleep on Thursday night, the night she passed away, and I went into labor the next morning. I experienced the strangest mix of emotions from the loss of someone I loved, and welcoming and loving my newly born child. Funeral arrangements were made for my grandmother the following Monday; on Monday, I was still in the hospital. I keep her In Loving Memory of service brochure.

People, places, and events can be recalled whenever I choose. Memories of my grandmother still remain alive. This morning I learned of the unexpected loss my friend is experiencing. I am thinking of my friend and all people who are affected.

A very wise youth who has experienced more pain than I will ever endure once told me, those who suffer much help much. Pain is the core of knowledge. I learn more about myself in times of agony than I do in times of bliss. Hardships serve a purpose. Times of suffering grow and strengthen me and enrich my ability to be useful to others.