I felt compelled to double blog this evening. My educational course load is light and so the pressure is off for deadlines.
Sometimes I neglect to acknowledge the solidness and wisdom of my life partner. We just completed a good chat about me and us, and the changes I have experienced over the past six months of life. There have been more internal and external changes in my life in the last six months than I have experienced in the last ten years. The Field Marshall truly shed the light, as he most often does when we spend quality time speaking freely.
We have been together for ten years, and most recently, we tend to veer off into our independent worlds of study or other tasks in the evening, and daytime hours are filled with the care taking and time spent with our child. This is a reminder for me to ensure more time is dedicated to importance of us.
I have always been a multi-tasking, action-oriented person. I wear many hats. Wife, mother, employee, student, volunteer, AA member, household organizer, granddaughter, daughter, and sister. I strive for performance excellence in every area of my life and as the Field Marshall claims, in the process of my mission for excellence I often inflict pain upon myself. I shared with him that in my travels to Peru I have experienced a spiritual force I have yet to recoup since returning home. The Field Marshall reminded me a spiritual connection with God comes from within, which I inherently know but must be avoiding. I need to walk the walk. Life is about balance; if I put too much stock in one area, I miss out on the other areas, and the result is me out-of-kilter. I also need to take it easy, rest a bit, and enjoy the moments of my life instead of feeling the constant urge to solve the problems of others, save the world, and be the best everything I can be in every waking moment.
A major change over the past four months has been my status as unemployed after being a full time employee for 10 plus years, and in roles I was quite passionate about. I made a decision to stay at home for awhile, in thought and prayer for my next role for employment. God answered my prayers with a new employment role this month, and I can think of no other place I would prefer to work. I begin part time, which I am sure is in God’s plan for me, beginning next Monday.
The Field Marshall and I shared feelings of what happens to us when we are at home too long, the rooms get smaller and a sense of claustrophobia turned stir crazy begins to override the pleasure of a relaxed lifestyle of the stay-at-home parent.
So this was my double blog, an ode to the Field Marshall. This is my claim to rest and take it easy, because a self-inflicted decline in mental health status is not where I want to be.
Just as the promises of AA came true for me my first year of sobriety, they are true for me today:
If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through.
We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.
We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.
We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace.
No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others.
That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear.
We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.
Self-seeking will slip away.
Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change.
Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us.
We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.
We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.
Are these extravagant promises? We think not.
They are being fulfilled among us - sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly.
They will always materialize if we work for them.
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