Gloom, Doom, and Hope

I have another half finished blog in my draft section titled “Short Stop Peru.” I plan to complete this blogger entry at a later time.

Current circumstances are causing a change in plan for the topic today. I am just flat out gloom and doom at the moment, searching for hope through prayer and God’s all mighty power.

As usual, I experienced my emotional withdrawal from the country and people of Peru. I attempted to maintain a hardened heart but as I was venturing through the gate to customs at the Lima airport I just lost it completely. I become so saddened upon departure. I was quick to revive (or shut down rather) by passing out right away on the plane. As soon as we were in the air I was crashed on the tray in front of me. I missed the whole flight. The baby screaming next to me was just background music to my sleep session. I don’t remember the drinks, the food, the movies, just the white pillow, red blanket, and sleep.

I landed in Miami to discover terrible news. I am just horrified, saddened, and scared. I found out the past weekend for my family was more than complicated. Through a series of unfortunate events, my younger brother of only eighteen years has decided to abandon the family and his future. He left on foot with nowhere to go, locks are being changed on the front door of the home, and I have no idea when I will ever see him again. I was able to speak with him for a few minutes today and encouraged him to contact me tomorrow by cell phone. I would like to pick him up to talk and have lunch, but I am not certain he will make the call. This is just awful. I feel sick about it. I feel horrible for my mother and stepfather and I am powerless to change the situation. I will pray for my brother each and every day that he sees God’s hope in solid decision making and a better life, and I will pray for his safety. Just before I left for my short trip to Peru, my brother and I had an excellent conversation. I was looking forward to spending more time with him and I was so happy he was doing so well.

I then received a call from an acquaintance notifying me that a few job layoffs took place at my previous employer. I worked at this employer for nearly five years and care very much about the people I built relationships with there. One of the layoffs was a woman who has suffered so much in her life yet she remains strong. I have called her Superwoman in the past because of the strength she demonstrates in circumstances where most people would fold. I am concerned for Superwoman and her family. I will email or call her tomorrow. I am sure others at the organization are upset about the layoffs while worried about the security of their jobs. I hope the great work that is being done will carry on without addition need for employee layoffs.

One more gloom and doom, I am getting them all out for today. My aunt is very ill with cancer, cancer which has returned in her life repeatedly. The stem cell removal planned for treatment has not been able to occur because of complications. This situation is very sad to me. I see the pain of the people closest to her, her physical and emotional suffering, and the declined quality of life that hinders from functioning in the world. I am praying for my aunt and all those affected by cancer. She is a strong survivor with many lives. She has made it through before and I believe hope exists for another recovery.

So I guess that’s it for my blog of sadness. I will close today with my favorite prayer.

Prayer of Saint Francis of Assisi

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury,pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
and where there is sadness, joy.


O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek
to be consoled as to console;
to be understood as to understand;
to be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive;
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life. Amen